July 2008 Newsletter
A Collection of Great Stuff
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Last month we told you about the new web design, we told you about the new seminars and topics, and we even shared a video to inspire you. This month we have a much lighter video, one that's great to share with kids and shares how alike the world really is! Enjoy!
This month we're marketing, marketing and doing more marketing.
- We're telling newspapers, magazines, blogs, other websites, and writers all about our new seminars and our new delivery system - On-Demand seminars.
- We're telling the world that parents now have the ability collect valuable parenting information without needing to leave their home, without needing to get a sitter and without needing to fill the tank with gas!
- We're telling the world that no one needs to forgo parenting information because the economy sucks; we've lowered our prices.
If you have a favorite blog that you think would love to know about us, send us an email and we'll contact them!
We also want to send a huge thank you to all of you who've told friends about the website and seminars because they're showing up and buying them! THANK YOU! AND please keep it up!
One of the biggest assets ProActive Parenting has is YOU! You allow us to be great guerrilla marketers. We have what every other business wants - word of mouth, and we couldn't have done it without you!
The focus of this month's newsletter is Independence.
All parents know that choices inspire independence. Did you know that not choosing, if a parent can let that happen, will also inspire independence?
When a parent offers a choice and a child refuses to choose, there is a moment when the parent has to decide, should I wait to see if the child chooses or should I choose for her? Parents can either choose for the child or allow a child who doesn't choose to live with the consequence of her lack of choice, either way a child gets to learn. She gets to learn what she doesn't want to do next time, and that's as valuable as anything else. She'll learn that next time she does want to choose. This simple skill, letting children learn from a safe choice or lack there of absolutely fosters independence. Try using July as an "experiment month". Let your children have a few more choices and let them live with the results. I'm guessing you will see a more independence chooser next month!
Janet Gonzales' article may ruffle some feathers this month, it's not meant to. I chose this article because this month's newsletter is Independence, and independence in children can be created in many different ways. This article is NOT meant to make those of you who work feel guilty that you need your child in daycare during the summer months, not at all. Every parent I know is doing the best they can with all that's on their plate.
I chose this article because reading it reminded me of the wonderful independent qualities that can be created when a child is bored, and because it makes me sad that these days our society seems to frown on using boredom as a form of learning. Also, this article was written quite a while ago, before it became dangerous, in most neighborhoods, for children to "just go out and play."
Let me ask you this:
Do you think it's your responsibility to fill every moment of your child's day with activities? If so consider, using boredom as a new activity and watch what happens; I think after the brief whining, "there is nothing to do!" You'll find a new aspect of your child has emerged, an independent thinker now capable of entertaining her or himself and what parent doesn't want that!
| How To Preserve The Quality of Our Summer Vacations |
From a Parents Perspective - By Janet Gonzalez-Mena
Summer vacation has hit the endangered species list with the other wonderful creatures about to become extinct. This article is a small effort to start a movement to save the qualities of summer vacation, if not the whole beast, for future generations to enjoy.
My friend's stepson had never had a summer vacation when he first came to live with her for a six-week stretch. He had spent all the six years of his life in structured child care programs where, though there were choices, activities were always thought up by adults and laid out for him. Adults directed his life.
He was lost when faced with an unstructured day where he had to set his own goals, fill his own time, create his own activities. My friend proudly reports that he learned a lot that summer.
He not only learned to plan activities, he discovered the joys of "messing around" (usually forbidden in program settings, no matter how you define the term).
He also learned to "hang out", that is to be free, open, and spontaneous to what his feelings or friends led him to next.
My friend's stepson also discovered a whole new role for adults facilitators and providers of resources rather than directors of time, space, materials, and children's behavior.
The happiest memories in my own childhood come from summer vacations. A delicious feeling started the minute before school was out. Hastily dumping my desk contents into a paper bag, I waited breathlessly for the last bell and the teacher's dismissal. Then came the stampede for the door (strictly forbidden, of course, but who cares the last bell of the day). The walk home, the dinner later and the long evening of staying up late all filled with the glow of anticipation. I loved the feeling of having all the days of vacation before me, just like presents under the Christmas tree to be unwrapped.
I always had just one plan for the summer, play, play, play. I did what I liked, which was mostly what I was good at. This was a contrast to school where teachers mostly focused on student's areas of weakness. I'm sure summer vacation always raised my self-esteem a notch or two.
Fewer and fewer children today experience the richness I did of long lazy summer days with freedom to do what I wanted. "I'm going out to play," I would announce, and then out the door I'd go to roam the neighborhood. I had minimal adult supervision I told you this was a long, long time ago, (though loving, but busy, adults were usually available when needed). I loved playing indoors too, and lucky me, I had no TV to attract, distract, or dull my mind and senses. It's amazing how many parents accidentally break a TV during summer months, hahah.
Though I didn't have my own bedroom (shared a room with my sister and mother) I did have privacy. Out behind the garage tucked in between the back wall and the neighbor's fence grew an enormous walnut tree. I would climb up it to sit in the shade on the garage roof. There under a canopy of branches I learned to enjoy my own company. In my leafy hideaway I contemplated the meaning of life, daydreamed little dramas in my head, tried scientific experiments, played at drawing and writing. As I grew older I decided to share my hideaway and for a period I was president of a secret club of neighborhood kids that met regularly on my garage roof.
It wasn't all fun and games. Sometimes I was bored. I see parents nowadays panic at the idea their children may be bored, but for some reason, the adults in my family didn't worry. Instead they allowed me the benefit of boredom. Looking back I see now that each period of boredom resulted eventually in great creativity on my part to find company or invent some new activity. I learned initiative. I learned self-direction.
Filing one's own time is one of life's most important lessons, and one that is hard to learn without periods of practice.
I don't know if I've convinced you to get yourself a "Save Summer Vacation" button, but if I've got you to thinking about your own life, and that of your children, that's even better. I hope this article will motivate you to dig up your own memories and bring back those times in your childhood when you enjoyed freedom, leisure, self-direction, boredom, and the creativity it eventually stimulates. I urge you to think of ways to provide opportunities for children to enjoy those same kinds of experiences.
Sharon's take on this: These suggestions are for older preschoolers ages 4, 5, 6. The younger preschoolers really do need choices and help to stay occupied, and a lot of 4, 5, 6, year old's need help too. I wanted to include this for those of you who think your children are old enough to pull this off and for those of you who have children older than age 6.
Okay, some of you may be thinking, if I let my child deal with his boredom himself, he would simply find trouble. That may be true, he may find trouble, but it will also mean he'll learn other things too. He'll learn how to make better choices about how to occupy his time, he'll learn that hanging out with Fred isn't the best idea, cause "I always get in trouble when I hang out with Fred." Or he may learn just how serious you are about your family rules and boundaries. These are all wonderful lessons and help a child move to the next developmental stage and the next school year.
Also, you may be wondering what can I say when my child comes to me whining that she is bored.
You can say, "I know you're bored, so what will you do?"
She may say, "Think of something for me to do."
Now you can say, "I will be digging weeds or dusting or vacuuming, what would you like to do?" This may cause her to move on and find something else to do all by herself or she may help you with chores OR
You can say, "Well, you could go outside and lay down on the grass and count the blades of grass or the clouds in the sky, which one sounds good to you?" The basic idea here is that you are not solving it for them, and you're not ignoring them, your suggestions just suck so they have to figure it out for themselves. OR
You can say what Jim Fay of Love and Logic suggests, "would you like to know what other kids do when they are bored?"
Summer is an amazing time for kids whether you're working or not. It has a special quality and feeling to it that just seems to create family memories and new lessons to be learned.
Mother's Encyclopedia Compiles by the editors of Parent's Magazine Printed in 1951
* Since the theme of July's newsletter is Independence what could be more applicable than to read a writers' 1951 version of what democracy meant in the home. This has been inserted just as it appeared and yes the strange stiff writing is how they wrote back then. Believe it or not this was written before I was born! Enjoy.
Learning today is associated with doing, and comes through group activities and group discussions in which a child plays a part. It is a matter of thinking and of feeling, and the foundations of our emotions and our thinking are laid in the home. Unless the home is tolerant and moderate and democratic the child will hardly be able to absorb a real democracy.
Children need just discipline: Children want and need government, and they know it. They will respond happily to discipline, provided only that it is sound and just. Every child recognizes his own weakness and the superior strength of the adult. He needs and is reassured by authority so long as that authority is moderate and kind and reasonable. He wants and needs fair and impartial and scrupulous good government in his home, as much as the adult wants it in his nation - courteous and considerate good government which will respect his dignity as an integral part of the whole.
Respect the child: We can begin this respect for our child as an individual in his cradle. We can be attentive to his wishes and his needs, instead of expecting him to conform wholeheartedly to a plan we have conceived for him. As he grows older we can continue this respectful consideration of his needs and desires. This does not mean we will turn over to him responsibility for which he is not ready. In the last analysis, authority is the parent's and must rest with the parent, just as in government it rests with the executive body. The responsibility for a child's sound development is placed by law as well as by nature upon the home, and the parent cannot escape this responsibility. He will exercise it most wisely, however, if he exercises it moderately.
| It isn't easy being GREEN |
Summer means travel, even if it's just a day trip. Taking little people on any kind of trip means bringing lots of stuff with you so you can try to meet everyone's needs without having to stop a million times. Trips can also be places to foster independence. Here's a short list of ideas to help create independence even when a child is sick or has hurt themselves on a day trip. I still use my container when we travel and my kids are grown and gone! The homeopathic stuff can be purchased at any Whole Foods or health food store. Enjoy the fun!
Dollar Store: Go to the store and pick up 1 med-large plastic container and several small containers that fit nicely inside the large container and make sure the lid snaps shut easily. Fill the containers with all the supplies you'd need if someone got hurt.
The Normal Things: Hand wipes, band-aids, peroxide, cotton swabs, Neosporin, tweezers, scotch tape (a better way to remove splinters and whole lot less painful).
You'll be amazed at how much of this you'll use. Think about using some of this even when it isn't a "true" injury. Sometimes little people just need a band-aid to make it home without complaining the entire ride home! We always try to let little people have a choice about how many band-aids they need so they feel independent!
Crystallized Ginger: Whether it's carsickness or something just doesn't sit well in the tummy, crystallized ginger calms a sick tummy. Make sure that you tell the child the ginger is really spicy, or they'll spit it out. Also we break a hunk of it into really small bites and let little people be in charge of the amount they need. That way they eat a little, cause it's spicy and then begin to feel better, and if they're feeling yucky again they're willing to eat more without a fight. This allows them to be independent!
Arnica: This homeopathic remedy will reduce pain if someone slips and falls or has a bad cut, or a big bump. Arnica allows parents to magically produce something that really does reduce pain. I've used this a lot and it really works. If you use this at home before a trip your child will absolutely want it when you're not at home too. Have the child tell you how much pain he's in so he begins to feel empowered enough to learn how to independently manage his pain. It's the same concept they use in hospitals, when patients are responsible for determining how much pain they're in-they seem to be able to handle it much easier. Then just distribute the recommended dose on the bottle says. Just one more way to allow them to be independent!
Rescue Remedy: This homeopathic remedy is amazing stuff.
If your child tends to get hysterical when hurt or scared, try Rescue Remedy. I use this only when things are incredibly out of control and I need things to get calm right now. I used it on the way to the hospital when my son broke his elbow in 16 places, for things like that. I DO NOT want any child getting the silent message that calming down comes from a bottle. If you're concerned about that, take a glass of apple juice and put a few drops of Rescue Remedy in it and never tell the child it's in there. DO NOT use if you need the child to stay awake like with a concussion. It works for children and adults! Here again, ask the child to tell you how upset they are, and give them the dose you'd give them anyway. By asking them to tell you how much pain they feel, they're learning how to manage themselves and can calm down much sooner than being told to calm down right now.
Calendula: To share how powerful this product is I need to tell a short story my Dr. told me. He said he knew that calendula was good stuff, but came to rely on it after a skiing trip with his son. His son fell on a gravel patch and the gravel was embedded in his leg. There wasn't any way to get to a hospital until the next day so he wiped his sons leg with calendula to keep the germs out and wrapped it up. The next day he unwrapped his leg and all the gravel had risen to the top and the Dr. was able to wipe it off versus having them scrub the gravel out in the hospital. It's best NOT to use on open wounds. But will heal any rash, any irritation, things like that. I always allowed my kids to apply this on their own, another way to empower their independence.
Natural Hand Sanitizer: I'm sure by now everyone has heard that hand sanitizers actually cause more problems than they solve. They remove the helpful bacteria as well as the bad, causing an increased need for antibiotics. Try using a natural brand. It's so much easier than yelling don't touch there are germs everywhere!
Food: Tall, for those of you who haven't seen me live, is my youngest son. Tall has a touch of low blood sugar and can become mean when his blood sugar drops. We never left home without OJ, string cheese, peanut butter or nuts. We asked him to watch his tummy and be responsible for reaching for some food before he got nasty. Another way to be independent!
A few final things: An empty bag for wet clothes, towels for unexpected stops at the beach or muddy hiking, clothes for unexpected accidents, and flip flops for the umpteen times I heard "my shoes are wet, my shoes hurt, my shoes are rubbing me, or I took my shoes off and I need to go potty NOW!"
ProActive Parenting tips: Don't forget to take all the tips you've learned from our On-Demand and live seminars. Things like the tips included in Seminar #10 I need you to stop talking for 1 minute.
The information in all of our seminars goes with you anywhere - like to airports, hotels, or grandmas.
The tips and information in our On-Demand seminars and can be used anytime - like in the car, at a restaurant, on the beach or on an airplane.
One reason these things work so well is because you no longer need to go home to correct behavior!
Last month we showed you the video, Children See, Children Do. It's a lesson to all of us to see how what we do and how we are affects the little ones.
This month we thought we'd lighten up a little, and share a video that reminds us how alike we all are. This video shows that we are all nuts, we just come in different wrappers! Enjoy the pure silliness- I love this!
Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo..
Got something say about this video, or perhaps a question you need to ask, or for that matter something you need to share or get off your chest,
go to the ProActive Parenting Blog
Enjoy the summer and see ya next month! |
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