News at Proactive Parent

We’ve had a very interesting month marketing ProActive Parenting and we want to share two things that will benefit all of you!

Natural Moms Radio has already interviewed me and we’ll be linking to them when the interview is posted in a few weeks. I’ve written a piece that’s already posted on SheKnows.com about a game family’s can play during the Olympics. You can find that piece under “parenting”, third box under “Today on SheKnows”.

I also wrote an article called the Emotional Flu that will be appearing on MommyTalk.com next week and in Inspired Parenting Magazine in a week or so. There’s so much more in the works, stay tuned!

We love the idea of introducing parents to new websites, blogs and online parenting magazines. We can’t think of a better way to do that than to let you know which sites have taken an interest in us so you can check them out too!  With that in mind we created a direct link on the home page, on the left sidebar under the Parenting Magazine cover that says, Other Places You Can Find Us! That will take you to our articles page where you simply click on what ever interests you and check out the website, blog or BlogTalk Radio show! For more great parenting sites check our Links page.

What else is in the newsletter?

This month’s focus is Waiting for Change.
There are many reasons I’ve chosen this topic for the month. Change is everywhere!

• ProActive Parenting is Waiting for Change. We want the world to know about the parenting solutions we offer!
• Some children will deal with a huge change this month and next as they go to school for the first time.  
• Some will return to school where change comes in the form of a new teacher and all new friends.   
• Some will return to a brand new school where everything is new.
• Some families have lost their main source of income and must change jobs in order to survive.
• Some families are faced with the possibility of losing their homes and all the change that will bring.

Change is everywhere!

Janet Gonzales-Mena’s From a Parent’s Perspective is a bit of a tearjerker this month sharing her story of how she dealt with the part of her being she stuffed away while she parented, she was Waiting for Change.

This month in It Isn’t Easy Being Green I’ve listed 13 different ways to handle changes or recycle for change. From how to recycle things that need to go but you don’t where to get rid of them, 2 books to help family members relate more easily to an Alzheimer’s patient, one reason behind why siblings fight and what that has to do with Waiting for Change, and an easy tip for dealing with developmental changes and how you resolve them.

There are two stories in A Parent’s Place this month. We need more stories of success!  Feel free to send in any stories showing the issue you were facing and how you resolved it using a ProActive Parenting method,  solution or sample conversation.  The media will be looking at those stories first. So if you’ve ever had a dream of being on TV, on radio or in a magazine sending me your success story is a great place to start. Send them to sharon@proactiveparenting.net.

Enjoy the newsletter!

From a Parents Perspective - By Janet Gonzales-Mena

How to Get in Touch with Your Inner Self

I had a dream
I sat in an attic before a dusty trunk with its lid open. Inside I could see a small wooden box. I reached in and picked it up. The box felt empty. I took off the lid. Inside was a washcloth carefully wrapped around an object. Curious as to what could have been put away like this, I took out the nearly weightless bundle and held it in my hand. I pulled back the cloth. I drew a gasp of shock. In my hand lay a tiny baby. I recognized this baby. Only at this moment did I remember that my son had been born with a twin, but I had forgotten all about the second baby while I was lavishing my love, care and affection on the first. Now here was the child, come to light, from the spot where I had hidden it long before.

As I looked on this practically mummified creature, its little chest began to heave as if I had breathed life into it by merely opening the box. My heart beat faster providing energy for this awakening child. My face flushed as its own little face turned from gray to while to pink. Before my eyes the tiny bundle I held in my hand came to life. I felt great joy!

I had this dream. Then I had it again.

This must mean something I told myself—the self who seldom dreams vivid dreams, let alone remembers them.

What could this dream mean? I could interpret it to mean that as a parent it’s easy to neglect a child. That’s a fear I hold deep down, true. But the joy I felt was the main quality of the dream—its message. Instead of horror of neglect I felt the joy of renewal.

My favorite dream analyst explained. “Maybe this dream isn’t about a baby at all, but about you. Perhaps there is a part of you that you have neglected. But obviously you have the power to breathe life into it again. Just see what power you have!”

It’s true. I have more than one neglected part—so do all parents. There’s no way to parent and still give expression to everything else in you. Some things have to be put on hold when you have the responsibility of raising children.

But what is this part of me that I’ve got on hold? What could I have so carefully wrapped up and tucked away and forgotten? I tried to find out.

Everyday I made it a point to focus just for a few minutes on this baby in the box from my dream. I’m not much of a mediator, so whenever I had a quiet moment I just thought about the baby—brought the image to my mind. I waited for the big revelation. But this is real life, and so no revelation came—there was no “aha” that led me down new avenues of my being. Instead what came was the gradual knowledge and awareness of how many parts of me there are—some expressed and some not expressed.

And what I learned from the dream is that when it comes time to express a part I have stored away for the time being, it will come to life; its chest will heave, it will turn pink, and it will bring life to all the parts of me, even the hidden, neglected ones. So can you.

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I chose this story this month to honor all of us that are Waiting for Change and may fear that it will never happen. Or for those of you who have packed away a part of who you are while you parent and are Waiting for Change to be able to bring those parts of you out again. It will happen, it just happens in its own time.

There’s a wonderful book called Sequences illustrating that principal beautifully. It’s in our bookstore and since we’re Amazon affiliates we’d appreciate it if you’d click through from our website anytime you go to Amazon to buy a book, whether we list the book or not on our site. We get paid a few pennies when you go through our site. The bookstore link on our site has been moved to above the name ProActive Parenting, thanks in advance.

It isn't easy being GREEN

Sometimes it helps, while you are Waiting for Change, to clear out the old as you wait for the new.

Recycling is all about change. Here are 8 ways to help you recycle odd things that I didn’t know you could recycle and 5 other ways to help you Wait for Change.

1. Cell phones: Did you know that you can and should send you old cell phones back to the company so they can dispose of
   them properly? Or you can send it to cell4cash.com and they will pay you a tiny little bit for it!

2. Batteries: Call your trash company to find out where to drop off used up batteries of all kinds. All cities have a hazardous
   waste disposal location. We collect our used up batteries and take them to Home Depot.

3. Laptops: Gazelle.com will purchase your old laptops, and cell phones.

4. Car Seats: babyearth.com will recycle your old baby products for you, especially old car seats. They say you should
   always recycle a car seat because they have recalls and they upgrade every year. This is a good way to keep unsafe car
   seats away from little ones.

5. Strollers: babybuggy.com has a donate to charity button. Either donate your stroller here, on Craig’s list or at a favorite
   charity in your town. If you need to get cash so you can upgrade consider a re-sale shop for kids or Craig’s list.

6. Sneakers: Nike has a program called Re-use a shoe where they take the rubber and recycle them into sport courts.
   Go to ReUSE a Shoe

7. Non-Plastic Water bottles:

No need to wait for change here, no more plastic bottles please, especially for little ones.
I like the bottles at h2ox2.com, yes they are pricey but safe. I haven’t gotten one yet-but plan to.
   
To be certain that you are choosing a bottle that does not leach, check the recycling symbol on your bottle. If it is  a #2 HDPE (high density polyethylene), or a #4 LDPE (low density polyethylene), or a #5 PP (polypropylene), your bottle is fine. The type of plastic bottle in which water is usually sold is usually a #1, and is only recommended for one time use. Do not refill it. Better to use a reusable water bottle, and fill it with your own filtered water from home and keep these single-use bottles out of the landfill.
  
This information came from http://trusted.md/blog/vreni_gurd/2007/03/29/plastic_water_bottles

8. Medications: I didn’t know you are not supposed to throw old medicine in the toilet or down the drain or in the garbage.
   Earth911.org can help by telling you many things including how to recycle old medicines.

a. Snacks: One thing that always bothers parents is the constant request for a snack. Change couldn’t happen here fast
   enough for most parents. I got this tip from Super Nanny and wanted to pass it to all of you.

• Take either a plastic bucket or a paper bag and have each child in the family decorate it.
• Then decide which snacks are “parent approved” during the day.
• Have the child decide each morning or the night before which 3 or 4 snacks from the “parent approved” group of snacks they want for the day.
• Make a sign that shows a picture of a clock with each time they’re allowed to have a snack.
• Have them put the items in their special sack and that’s it.

Benefits: Each child gets to make a choice.

They’re able to wait for snack time because they get to see for themselves what time it is by looking at the pretend clock you’ve created.

You’re teaching delayed gratification-they have to wait to have the snack until it’s time, versus demanding that you give it to me now.

They are learning how to make a choice and how to live with the choices they make. If they fuss, you can ask them to draw a picture to remind them of what they will choose differently tomorrow.
AND they are becoming familiar with clocks and time.

b. Siblings: Parents are always Waiting for Change with siblings. Believe it or not siblings are actually learning something
   very essential to becoming an adult when they fight. It doesn’t make it any easier, and it certainly doesn’t mean you
   shouldn’t teach them how to resolve things, and maybe just knowing what they’re learning will help to reduce your anger
   as you Wait for Change between siblings.

So what are they learning?   

• They’re learning what it takes to be in a close relationship.
• They’re learning about compromise and sharing.
• They’re learning what it feels like to be offended and what it feels like to offend someone you love.
• They’re learning what it feels like to be ignored and what it looks like when you ignore someone you love.
• They’re learning how to make a hurt heart begin to feel better.
• They’re learning how to listen to another’s feelings and how to use words so they can be heard.

Those lessons will all be taught as a result of their fighting, IF parents step back and teach versus punish. Parents can ask questions instead of making assumptions and allow children to learn from how if feels to be in a fight and how to make things better again. Seminar #5, Siblings: You Always Take His Side, You Never Listen to Me, has all the clues, tips and sample conversations in it to show you how to back out of a sibling fight, let them learn and how to teach them what to do instead.

c. Alzheimer's: When a loved one has Alzheimer's no one wants Change to occur, but it does. Here’s a write up from
   Amazon on two great books that make relating to an Alzheimer’s patient a bit easier.

“The Sunshine on My Face, and Happy New Year To You, by Lydia Burdick brings alive remaining abilities and lets you reconnect in meaningful ways. The easy-to-read words and colorful pictures relate to most people's lives, present and past. Use them to inspire intergenerational exchanges with children, encourage physical closeness, maintain reading skills, or provide a calming diversion. A Two-Lap Book's appeal is universal and timeless.”
*Don’t forget to do us a favor and click from our bookstore to Amazon.

d. Memories: This is a really cool company, Life On Record.com. This captures a loved ones voice so stories and voices
   can be preserved for future generations.  Also for memories go to Totspot.com. This helps parents create a place to
   chronicle cute things they said and did and photos online. The idea is it's as easy as an email. Don't miss preserving those 
   memories, you will appreciate that you did it for years to come!

e. When will this behavior change: This is a biggy. All parents can’t Wait for behavior to Change! You can help yourself
   wait by creating a journal of change for your child. Note the age, the stage, the behavior, and what finally worked to solve
   the misbehavior or change the situation. Then when the misbehavior appears again or your child goes through a similar
   stage, you can look in the journal to see what worked before.
  
Remembering that your child has behaved like this before does two things.

1. It reminds you of what worked before so you can try it again.
2. And it helps you remember that he has behaved this way before and takes some of the emotional sting out of it, and helps stop you from reacting as if this was the first time you’d ever seen this behavior before.

A Parent's Place

Parents,
I don't know if this sounds story-like but this thought keeps me hangin' on and reminds me to keep cool...especially as I face “the threes” with my second son (“the threes” I’m finding much more challenging than "twos").
 
Story #1
This is my "A-HA" that I had in Sharon’s class one night. We were talking about anger and how necessary it is to express it,
 but how "in the way" anger gets when expressing it to your child in the heat of battle.  Then Sharon said something like this, "when your anger is the first thing out of your mouth you've take away your son’s opportunity to learn from the situation, because he’s too focused on your anger!" That was a life changing moment in my parenting. I want my sons to learn from their blunders and mistakes and if I fly off the handle then it becomes about me not about them.
Viola' my a-ha moment!  Carol Kightlinger, mother of two beautiful boys in Boulder CO

**This is so true! Parents can and should calmly express, “what you just did made me really mad”. But when the first words out of your mouth are a reaction instead of response the moment shifts from being about the mistake the child has made, and how it should be fixed, to mom’s anger. The seminar that will help you with issues like this is Seminar #3: Power Struggles: I already told you NO!
Story #2
A parent sent me this Success Story after a Mommie Mentor Phone Session. Her daughter was using behavior that was bossy and demanding, she’s 5. The issue the mom was specifically dealing with was her daughter refusal to cooperate at bedtime and the times she was taking her frustration out on her little brother. 

**You will notice that there really isn’t a full explanation of what the parent did to resolve the issue in this
    story. This was sent to me after a private session, so the details are kept private. This story was shared with
    you to see a parent’s success and which seminar provided that success for their family.
    The seminar was #2, Correcting Preschoolers: Do you want a timeout?

The kids got home late last evening and I tried the following as I put them in the tub. I used a low voice, minimal words, and didn’t ask about the details of their day as I gently washed them.

Afterwards, we watched a Berenstain Bears in our bed. Again, I used a low voice and few words. When it was over my husband took our son to his room and I told my daughter I needed to blow dry her wet hair a bit.  She said "not even close!"...then she said, "no way"...then she said, "not gunna do it!"  I sat beside her and did a Mona Lisa smile, saying NOTHING. After a minute or so, I got up and went into the bathroom, turned on the blow dryer, and used it on my head a second, then rested against the counter with the dryer still on. She came around the corner and when she saw me she jumped back. Then she came around the corner and walked directly to me, sat down, and I dried her hair. We went to bed. No fussing.

This morning she was great, then snarled over what to eat for breakfast.  I immediately told her that we were going to be using the new timeout, telling her in simple terms what it is.

I asked her again if she'd like to try asking again and tell me what she wanted in a nice way. She said "NO!" We went in the next room and she sat down, and did the new timeout, it took 2 minutes before she was willing to go into the next room and
try asking me again.

Worked like a charm.  She told me a few minutes later, "Mom, I don't need the new timeout now, I'm being a good girl"!

Ah peace. We're going to get REAL good at these techniques.
Jeni Weston, mom to a fabulously creative 5yr old big sister and a very patience 2 year old little brother

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I just sent an email letting this mom know I was using her story and she replied with this message for all of you too.
    
     “And we’re still using the new version of timeout now—and it always works to the desired end.”
     
Couldn’t have said it better myself. Go get that seminar folks; you will be amazed at the results, and now you get FREE support twice a month when you purchase.

Talk to you next month!