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November 2009 Newsletter
A Collection of Great Stuff
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| News from ProActive Parenting |
Halloween: I hope you had a great Halloween! This year I finally went back to enjoying Halloween and haunting my house. I hadn’t done anything for Halloween in 3 years. The last time was in Portland when tall and taller where still around. We lived in a great neighborhood out in the country. Parents would come with their kids to trick or treat because it was the only “neighborhood” around. We were the wild “spooky” house where parents posed the kids for photo’s! Over the last 3 years think I would become slightly sad that I wasn’t in my old neighborhood and that the kids were gone. So this year I decided to get my groove back. We did a mild mannered haunting this year, too many really little people around here to really spook it out. Enjoy the pictures.
News to share: I have some great news to share this month. In addition to my online TV show, Ask Me on MomTV, I now have an online radio show. It’s not on BlogTalk Radio, it’s a real show with a real engineer, commercials, and live call-ins!
The show’s name is “Getting to the Heart of the Matter.” It’s being launched on one station and will be linked to an all women’s network in January. The name of the new women’s network will be forth coming. My new show will be on Thursday’s and starts in early January. I will give you all the details in the next newsletter.
Moms and dad’s this is YOUR chance to get your parenting questions answered – for FREE! Many of you in Portland and in Phoenix have had me come to your moms groups and answer questions about your kids and parenting. You were the inspiration for these shows. NOW you and everyone else reading this can have the same opportunity!
Join me on Ask Me @ www.momtv.com every Wednesday at 1pm eastern, 11am mountain, 10 am Pacific and listen, or watch or participate in the chat room-if you’re game. After the 1st of the year you’ll be able to do the same thing on Thursday’s with the online radio program.
Don’t forget to join me on Twitter and Facebook! My twitter address is: proactvparentng. My facebook address is: Sharon.ProActiveParenting.tips. I include a parenting tip several times a week there.
Manners: How many of you feel the need to teach your child not to interrupt an adult conversation? How many of you would like to get that handled by Thanksgiving? Well, I can help. Seminar #4 at www.proactiveparenting.net will teach your child a wonderful, easy and full proof method for doing just that. You will smile and be oh so proud when your child is waiting patiently and the other children are yelling mom, mom, mom!
You can attend: ProActive Parenting and The Mom Entrepreneur.com are partnering to do a webinar.
The webinar is called: The Mompreneur's Guide to Reducing Stress and Dealing with the Kids During the Holidays. The busiest time of year for moms is coming, are you ready? Will you be overwhelmed, rundown, yelling at the kids, or will you create a bit more balance this year? Join me on December 2 @ 1pm eastern. Cost is $25. To sign up and get the phone number to call in to email: sharon@proactiveparenting.net.
In this newsletter: There’s an article from me on disappointments, an article from A Parent’s Perspective that will make you think about this holiday, and a few things I’ve found to make life a bit easier!
Blessings: It’s been a big year for many of us. Much has been lost this year. From finances and jobs to loved ones and everything in between. It’s a big year for teaching children about life as lessons are everywhere you look. Most of us still have a roof over our heads; food in the refrigerator and our heart is still beating. At a very basic level those are huge things to be thankful for. May you and your family enjoy each other’s company and create treasured memories this Thanksgiving. May you count your blessings and let it inspire the way you head into this next year. Enjoy the newsletter and Happy Thanksgiving.
| Disappointment: What to say and do without causing a tantrum |
By Sharon Silver, ProActive Parenting
Most parents hear this as they walk into a store, “I want a toy, I want gum, I want this doll.” When children are begging for stuff most of us feel embarrassed and will do almost anything to make it stop. Did you know that how you react is the key to stopping this and how you react has more to do with your childhood than how your child is behaving? Think back to when you were a child, how did your parents handle the exact same thing? When adults begin thinking of what to do and say in situations like this our minds unconsciously pull forward what we experienced as a child and out of our mouth it comes. This is the moment when you have to decide whether you want to repeat the same way of dealing with the situation that your parents used or make a shift and use a different way? Here are some ideas to help.
• It’s not about avoiding what disappoints a child or avoiding what tips off a tantrum.
No one can avoid disappointments in life, including children. Most parents want to shut down an embarrassing situation right now and move on. The problem is the child gets shut down and is left with disappointed feelings and that can quickly turn into anger and resentment. The key to handling this is to talk about feelings and show him how to manage his desire for the toy, gum or doll. Teach him how to save for what he wants. You could chip in half and allow him to earn the rest by doing things around the house. This is a great life lesson and also stops entitled behavior.
• Sometimes changing the words you use is all it takes.
Most young children have a hard time answering the question “why are you so upset?” They’re uncomfortable because they’re new to feelings and think feelings happen to them and are out of their control, they don’t know feelings live inside of them. Try, “what does your heart have to say about this?” They can imagine what their heart feels, but don’t understand how feelings work yet.
• What if your child doesn’t have an answer?
Model how to express feelings in front of him. Let your child overhear you say things like, “My heart was upset and hurt when Sally said that to me.“ Or “My heart feels sad because I can’t find my special box.” This teaches him how to begin expressing feelings.
• Try helping your child see the bigger picture and learn what to do with his desire to have what he wants.
Try, “What would make this better?” Most kids will respond with something like “buy it for me will make it all better.” Or they may say, “ice cream will do it.” No need to give in, try this, “One day we’ll do that. Can you tell me what we could do now, without buying gum, to make things better? Maybe a hug, one last look without crying, what do you think would work” If he chooses to look one more time but begins begging, pick him up and move on without further discussion. When he calms remind him he agreed to look with no crying and that’s why you moved on. Asking him his opinion about how to make this better shows him you believe in his ability to work this out. Make sure one day soon you actually surprise him and stop for ice cream or he’ll stop trusting your words. Kids are very literal and will remind you, “You said one day we would stop for ice cream!” Or try saying, “Do you want the gum bad enough for me to put it on your wish list?”
• What’s a wish list?
Purchase a small notebook to keep with you at all times. Record the wishes of the things your child can’t have today and don’t worry about doing this if he’s still a bit upset. Most children will let go of the request sooner when they see their wish was recorded and stored in your scared purse. These tips won’t completely stop a child from being disappointed but it will begin teaching him how to manage it.
| Thanksgiving Should Mean Change, Not Just Tradition |
By: Janet Gonzales-Mena, A Parent’s Perspective, my college professor and mentor
I’m starting to gear up for turkey day. As I shop, clean, and cook, I’m thinking about what Thanksgiving means to me and what I want it to means to my children. I’m going to get preachy, but you can take it if I only get that way on holidays—right?
Part of the meaning Thanksgiving holds for me is the family closeness of the occasion. We’re drawn together. Since little else is available on Thanksgiving Day, kids are forced to spend the day with their parents. Although that can get complicated with more than one set of parents to be drawn to, I still like this aspect of the occasion.
I like the sense of history the occasion brings. One Thanksgiving I did a little research on food and made a point of serving what the Europeans didn’t have until they mixed with the Native American peoples of North and South America. Potatoes, tomatoes, beans, corn, pumpkins, squash, and turkey were the non-European foods on my menu that year. It was good science and social studies lesson. (I do like these special occasions to be educational as well as meaningful!)
Last year stereotyping became the educational focus of my Thanksgiving. Have you ever thought what it does to children to see so many pictures of little Indians dressed in feathers? They get a false idea of Native American’s. Instead of understanding Native Americans are real people, they see them as cheerful little Disney-like helpers. Or, if they have been influenced by the movies they translate the cute cartoon characters into wild and vicious savages running around clobbering people with tomahawks. Nothing about either of these images says that Native Americans are a diverse group with many varied cultures. The stereotype blurs the fact that the ancestors of those first Thanksgiving feasters are real people living today with a legacy of genocide, bias, and discrimination to contend with.
What do your children know about modern Native Americans—who they are and how they live? Do they know that some have been moved, and been moved, from tribal lands and government reservations to the inner cities? Do they know that many Native Americans today are poverty-stricken citizens?
The media on Thanksgiving Day reminds us of the fact that America has many hungry and homeless of all kinds—including Native Americans. The news cameras focusing on crowds eating at the inner city missions and rescue centers may put a damper on the occasion for you as you sit in your family room in front of the TV with a full stomach and the remains of the turkey in the refrigerator.
I think it is important to recognize that the significance of Thanksgiving is mixed. I certainly want to experience the joyful meanings of the occasion: the notion of harvest, the spirit of plenty, and the pleasures of feasting. Being thankful is part of the celebration.
But to me being thankful implies a further message. That message is: it’s time for some changes. It’s time we work together to create an America where homelessness, poverty, and starvation are no longer realities but rather mere shadows of history.
| Things to make life a little better and easier |
The Amazing Cucumber:
This information was in The New York Times several weeks ago as part of their "Spotlight on the Home" series that highlighted creative and fanciful ways to solve common problems.
1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.
2. Feeling tired in the afternoon put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.
3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.
4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.
5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!
6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!
7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation.
8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don't have enough time to polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water.
9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!
10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.
11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.
12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm you fingers or fingernails while you clean.
13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!! Pass this along to everybody you know who is looking for better and safer ways to solve life's everyday problems.
Inappropriate Touching: Did you know that 1 out of 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys experience sexual abuse that begins in preschool? Try reading this wonderful book to your preschooler to help broach the subject and remind them what to do if someone ever touches them. My Body Belongs to Me by Jill Starishevsky @ mybodybelongstome.com/cart/
Checklist: Since meal prep for the granddaddy of all meals is upon us followed the very next day with holiday shopping I thought having a weekend check list may be helpful.
Thank you Ladies Who Launch for creating this list which I morphed into reality for most of us.
Before you have a busy weekend think ahead and try some one or all of these ideas:
Schedule a babysitter if needed
Confirm dinner ahead of time
Schedule play-dates
Organize all car-pooling ahead of time
Rent movies so you can relax yet spend time with the kids when you get home from shopping
Do something for your wellness at least once during the weekend. Take a walk, do some yoga, read, nap.
Pre-make and freeze a soup for dinner on Sunday and take it out to defrost.
Stock the refrigerator w/ healthy snacks or the makings of them so they don’t starve or exist on pizza.
Make a healthy tomato sauce that can be used in many different ways so you are ready for dinner quickly.
Throw laundry in before coffee and it will be all done by the time you leave to go shopping.
Prepare backpacks for the week on Saturday.
Have fun while shopping instead of being rushed and cranky at all the crowds!
Have a great month. And don’t forget to join me for my online TV show, Ask Me, on Wednesday’s @ 1 pm eastern on MomTV.com
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