Happy spooky month everyone! For those of you who’ve been reading this newsletter for a long time you know that October is my favorite month. I adore Halloween. My mom’s birthday is on Halloween so she was always in a great mood on Halloween. She always went out of her way to make a fuss and have hot chocolate waiting for us when we came in from trick or treating!

I repeated the tradition and of course went a little further with tall and taller, my sons. Yes, I was one of those moms who went all out in the decorations department. We picked our own pumpkins and carved out very intricate designs. We made homemade gravestones that on a cold day really looked like an old graveyard. Each year, because they were older and could take it, we made the house a little scarier with headless scarecrows and disembodied hands and feet—it was great! Our house was the house on the block that everyone wanted to visit and some even brought out their cameras for their yearly Halloween photos! I loved it!

Now as an empty nester I have to say I’m not as inspired on Halloween and that makes me sad. So don’t forget to enjoy Halloween now and appreciate the fun you have with the kids, those memories can’t be redone.

For me October now means the change of seasons. There’s the familiar crispness in the air, the smell of rotting leaves and the opportunity to make a hearty dinner-I love it! I feel like a kid again when we light the first fire. It’s the one time of year I consistently carve out time for me. For me there’s nothing like reading a good book in front of a fire. You may be saying, wait a minute she lives in AZ? I know it’s something I’m dealing with. Even though there are no change of season markers here in AZ we are really benefiting from the desert magic! So for the time being I will have to visit autumn and come home to the desert.

This month’s newsletter is devoted to several things. My article focuses on how to help little ones get through Halloween without fear. Janet Gonzales-Mena's article is about play and imagination. The Cool Things I Have Found section will hopefully help you prepare for any holiday travel and the upcoming cold and flu season.

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3 yr old Robbie comes running into the kitchen announcing, “Mommy, I want to be a pirate for Halloween and Katie (his 2 yr old sister) wants to be a princess.” They’re so excited!

The day arrives to go get costumes. Robbie begins telling Katie all about Halloween night, “We’ll go out after dinner and come back with lots of candy!” Then mom hears Robbie whisper to Katie, “Be good in the store or you’ll lose your costume, okay!”

As soon as they see the Halloween isle they both freeze in their tracks. Mom hears Katie say, “Go home!” Robbie says nothing. They both run up to mom and squish their bodies into hers for safety; they’re really scared!

Mom holds them both very close and whispers, “It’s okay, you’re safe, the costumes are pretend.” Slowly the jaws-of-life hold they have on mom is easing up… and then it happens

A stupid teenager in a gorilla mask walks up behind mom and growls at the children. They both dissolve into hysteria and tears so mom leaves immediately. As mom is telling dad the story she wonders, other than the stupid teenager what made the kids so afraid when they were so excited five minutes before? 

Fear can be tricky for parents. Some parents deal with fear by making light of it, and if that doesn’t work they wonder if this fear is something the child will always exhibit. Fear at Halloween can be triggered by development because preschoolers are learning about independence and power, let me explain.    

Development increases a child’s independence and power. The flip side of that independence and power is losing control. When a child looses control it scares him. Halloween triggers the fear of loosing control because that’s what most costumes represent to children, creatures that can’t be controlled.  When they see these creatures running loose on Halloween it can trigger the same unconscious deep-seated fear he feels when he can’t control himself and that scares him, so he rejects Halloween costumes and fun.

How can you help little ones get through Halloween?

• Don't belittle your child if she reacts when someone walks up to her in a mask, even if it's someone she knows. Remember to a child taking off a mask can seem like removing a face.                  

• Don’t spend too much money on costumes at this age because your child may announce at the last moment, “I don’t want to put it on” or “I don’t want to go out and trick or treat.”    

• Try creating a different kind of Halloween during difficult developmental stages. If the kids are scared have a small party with friends and no costumes. Or have a pumpkin carving party with treats and hot chocolate. 

• Don’t forget that just answering the door on Halloween means looking at scary things too!

• Be willing to come home after five minutes of trick or treating. Or be willing to carry your child so she’s close to you and up at eye level. That may help her feel less afraid.

Halloween can be great fun family—as long as you take your clues from your child.

“Brian doesn’t like to play with action figures anymore—he thinks he’s too old.” Said my son to his friend in the back of the car. The conversation between the two ten-year-olds drifted over into the front seat where I was.

“That’s because he doesn’t know how to play the older-kids way,” came the response. “He just knows the ‘bang-bang’ baby way.”

Tell me about that.” I said from the front seat, curious, knowing I had a column to write before Saturday.

“Well, when you’re really little you just go, ‘bang you’re dead.’ But when you grow up you start making the figures talk. When you’re really older you make up whole stories. That’s what we do, at least when we don’t get too busy building bases and stuff for figures. The story part is what Brian doesn’t know about.”

I loved listening to this explanation. A ten year old had just outline the sequence of development of dramatic play—what I used to call “pretend” as a child and what my son and his friends call “action figures” (as in “let’s play action figures”).

No matter what you call it, children derive benefits from this kind of play. As they create their own worlds they gain a sense of power.  They transform reality and practice mastery over it. No wonder pretend play is appealing!

In addition to a sense of personal power, children also gain social skills. Through pretending they deal with several levels of communication as the figures themselves interact, and the players who control them also interact. They practice negotiation and cooperation in real life and on a pretend level. They can get very sophisticated at communication skills.

Through pretend play with action figures children gain significant intellectual skills as they construct mental images and learn to deal with the world in a symbolic way. These two skills are required in school as children learn math and reading, so in a way you could say children are “doing homework” when playing action figures.

Practice in developing a story sequence, another intellectual skill, is an important feature of action figure play, at least in children beyond the bang-bang baby stage of development.

That reminds me of a story. I remember a day when my son was making a complex creation with blocks and figures while I was busy getting ready to go out. He was disappointed when I informed him it was time to leave. He looked so forlorn that I assured him he could leave everything just as it was. “You can take up where you left off when we get back,” I told him.

“Sure,” he said, grumbling. “If I remember where I was.” He looked at the figure hanging from a tower by one foot and at another one hiding behind a box. He had created two impressive structures, one of blocks and another of words and actions. I understood his reluctance to leave them. I had solved the block structure problem for him by allowing him to leave it intact. But I couldn’t solve the problem of interrupting the story.

I was feeling bad about this situation when his face brightened. He had come up with his own solution. “Oh well,” he said, “If I forget —then when we get back I’ll just start another episode!”

Now that we are in cold and flu season I wanted to see what I could find to help families. 

Oscillococcinum: My homeopath suggested this. It can be found at most health food stores and should be taken if you think you (the adult) have been exposed to the flu or if you begin having flu symptoms. I have no idea if this can be given to children, check with your doctor. I know you shouldn’t give ANYTHING to a child under the age of two.

 Warning: This is powerful stuff and you WILL feel worse before you get better. After you take it you will feel as if it failed you, you will feel as if you have the flu and then after about 2 hours you will feel well again. We always have it in the house its great stuff. As with anything I suggest, don’t take my word for it, check with your doctor and trust your instincts.

Sinupret Syrup for kids and adults: Dr. Robert Sears, Dr. Sears' son, suggested this online. “Basically, Sinupret is a blend of five different herbs made by a company over in Europe. It’s been used for more than 30 years over there by millions of parents and kids every year. In fact, it is the No. 1 doctor-recommended natural remedy for sinus and respiratory support over in Germany. It just became available last year here in the U.S.” You can also use this to support wellness by giving it to little ones 3 times a day after being exposed to a cold. Again please check with your Dr.

Orajel Toothpaste:  Finally someone came up with a toothpaste that’s safe to swallow. I also believe it’s non-fluoride.

Totsy.com:  This is a great site for parents of kids ages 4-7.  They have brand specific sales up to 70% off on prenatal baby gear, travel accessories, bedding and bath, clothing and toys, and educational material. This could be a great resource for the holidays.

Kidlutions Care Notes:  Take a look under the “free stuff” on this website and you will find notes that deal with self-esteem, anger management, just for fun, friendship skills, dealing with divorce, grief and loss, social – emotional development.

Kidsflysafe.com:  This is a harness you can use for slightly older kids instead of lugging a car seat with you.

Gogobabyz.com: This is a car seat on wheels.  Here is the url: www.gogobabyz.com/products-c26-gogo_kidz_travelmate.aspx

The Six O’clock scramble: This tip came from my sister who has a toddler and just like all of you—she knows busy! Everyone hates the end of the day what’s for dinner routine. This wonderful site gives suggestions for healthy meals, 30 minutes meals and a shopping list so all you have to do is shop once a week. Check them out. I believe there is a cost for membership. The url is: http://thescramble.com

The Dinner Spin: This is another site that does the same thing as the Six O’clock Scramble, but this one is free. Check them both out and see which one works for your family. Their url is: www.thedinnerspin.com

Enjoy Halloween, Have a great month -