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Who came up with “Terrible Two’s”? That’s what I want to know. What it needs to be is “Terrible Three’s”. We have tried everything from time outs to taking things away like toys, sweets or television. Nothing has helped. Why? We weren’t getting to the root of the problem. I have worked outside the home pretty much all of my life, until last summer when I became a stay at home mommy. Boy, what a different life than what I am accustomed to. I love staying home with my babies, don’t get me wrong! I have been tested in the last year by my almost 4 year old. He thinks he is an adult. This is my conclusion. Better yet, I guess you can say that I let him think he is a sassy adult that can run over his parents. After reading books, magazine articles, watching Super Nanny and even contacting Super Nanny (yes, I did this), I began to search around online and this is when I found an angel; my angel of parenting.
I sought out; in tears that night from what I recall, and found a company that I truly felt could help us out, as a family, as well as for our children’s behavior now and in the future. This is when I found ProActive Parenting.
I went to their website and saw a paragraph that gave me hope. This, right here, let me realize that I am not alone with parenting difficulties and that there are people and help out there for me, and many others out there that struggle with parenting.
“ProActive Parenting is here to support parents as they lovingly teach their toddlers and preschoolers the basics. Things like how my parents handle saying no, interrupting, whining and potty mouth, running and wild behavior, self control, and listening. This type of education is not only crucial to the foundation of any child; it stops parental yelling and exhaustion and it’s what creates a well-balanced, well-behaved child who is respectful to him/her self and others. Without those basics a child’s relationship with family or with him/her self can flounder.”
I was able to immediately download MP3 files and work at my own pace with the programs. There are chapters and you can download one at a time, just the one that you need, or you can download them all. Why MP3? You can listen to them on your computer, or even do what I did – add them to your iPod so that you can listen anytime, anywhere! We have an iPod hook up in our van, so I can listen to the ProActive Parenting seminars anywhere; home, in the car, on the go – anywhere!
ProActive Parenting offers live and downloadable seminars (ARV $15.95-$34.95) on the subjects mentioned above, making it easy for you to learn the techniques on your own time.
One of my favorite things that was said to me on a seminar was:
Think of your toddler as an 8 month old! Talk to him, or her, using preschool words and tone.
I do not believe in ‘babying your kids’, but when you talk to them just as they talk, they can understand you better. Use preschool level words.
First hand experience with this one:
Anger in tone closes your toddler’s ears.
Oh, how true is this!
We are working on our time out routine as well.
Don’t yell, gently place your hands on their hips, and have them take a seat on the floor for a time out. Don’t make time outs long, otherwise they will lose focus as to why they are in time out. Time outs are not meant to be a physical punishment
How can ProActive Parenting help you? In so many ways! The courses that I have been listening to range from ‘Correcting Toddlers’ (talking about ‘No, we don’t do that; hitting, biting, throwing, etc.); this helps you talk to your toddler and correct him with things such as taking toys, hitting, throwing, etc. You will learn so much. I cannot even begin to express how many things I have learned that have and continue to help all of us out. No more yelling. No more letting our toddler run our lives. Currently, we are going through a whole ‘potty mouth’ phase. Oh, the joys that preschool can teach kids!
Our house has truly turned around. Not 100%. I would say 200%!
Do I recommend ProActive Parenting? Absolutely! Has it helped us? Absolutely!
If you are having any type of family and toddler melt downs in your home, I highly recommend ProActive Parenting. What I found was that when I listened to a seminar the second time, I learned even more than the first go around.
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REVIEW: PROACTIVE PARENTING ONLINE DOWNLOADABLE SEMINARS
Recently, I had the chance to review all 10 online downloadable seminars by Proactive Parenting
(http://proactiveparenting.net). These seminars are specifically for children between the ages of 1-6. These downloadable seminars are iPod/ iTouch/iPhone/MP3 friendly and you can even burn it into a CD.
Topics range from Yelling, Self-Control, Whining, Interrupting, Correcting Toddlers, Correcting Preschoolers, Siblings, Listening, Quiet, and Power Struggles. Now, isn’t that a nice healthy mix of behavioral issues we, as parents, face every single day?
Who doesn’t get tired at the end of a full day (or even midday!) and when having to deal with our precious ones, react rather than respond?
I have to say, listening to the seminars, gave me insights on how a child thinks and responds. Children not only listen to our words, they study our expressions and body language and make their own conclusions on how the world works and how they can use those same words, expressions and body language to make it work for them.
For example, having a time-out. Having time-outs isn’t very popular in my home. My kids don’t seem to respond appropriately after they’ve done their time-out and I was wondering if they had learnt anything out of it. From “Listening” - I learnt that it’s all a vicious cycle. I realised now why my kids have selective hearing powers. Kids just don’t listen to anyone who’s yelling. Especially if they’re
very emotional or hyped up themselves!
There are heaps of assumptions that we parents make out of our kids. I think I’ve failed considerably as I’ve assumed that my pre-schooler can think logically and maturely, just because he knows how to string proper sentences.
By listening (and re-listening) to these seminars, I found I could follow their techniques and guess what? It really worked on my pre-schooler! While I know I still need to react less and respond more, I’m really glad that I have these practical and effective methods to apply.
What I really liked about it, is that I’m able to listen to these seminars while I’m doing the dishes, folding laundry or preparing dinner (and the list goes on). In my home, reading a book on childrearing would be hampered by several moments of interruptions and of course, I would just lose the momentum and get bored with it!
I have never been able to attend a parenting seminar, as it’s quite difficult to get a sitter. Even if I did, I know I’d probably forget half the seminar bym the time I get home. So, having the opportunity to re-listen to these seminars whenever and wherever I wanted, was value for money.
I’m still taking baby steps in correcting my behaviour/reactions, but there is a light at the end of the parenting tunnel for me.
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A while back I introduced to you ProActive Parenting. ProActive Parenting provides audio seminars for you to download onto your computer, to your iPod, MP3 player or to burn on a CD. There are several seminars available to help you become a better parent and better understand your child. Sharon Silver, the creator of ProActive Parenting sent me the Everyday Solutions Series. This Series included each of the 10 seminars which include whining, siblings, interrupting, yelling and more.
I think I am like most moms, where I wonder, "What am I doing wrong?". I have struggled the past while trying to get my children to listen to me, not interrupt me and stop doing something they shouldn't be doing. I thought maybe I needed to be more strict with them and that if I used a stern tone they would stop and listen to me. This has not worked. In fact this has only made them use the same tone towards me or towards each other. I on the other hand have only gotten louder with my voice and at times I am find myself yelling. Well, I finally made the time to listen to these wonderful seminars. I now wonder what made it so difficult for me to just turn them on. It was so easy to listen to these as I was cleaning in the house or making dinner. So let me tell you a bit of what I learned.
I loved these seminars. I have only gotten through three of them as of now, but have listened to two of them twice. There is so much wonderful information and great ideas on correcting your approach when it comes to dealing with your toddler. I have learned that my stern (yelling) approach is only preparing my children to treat me that same way as they become older. If I handle situations by reacting with a loud voice, they are going to do the same towards me, which I am already starting to see (I know I am not the only parent who loses my cool). Another discipline tactic I and others overuse is "Time Out". I use timeout daily and I have used it as part of my disciplining. The truth is "Time out" was originally made to help the child and the parent calm down so that they could discuss the problem and have the right mind to do so. Now a days we are threatening with time outs left and right and not really giving the child or your self the chance to calm down before discussing the situation. With this knowledge and other wonderful techniques taught in ProActive seminars, "Time Out" is not a daily routine. If "time out" is used, I inform my child that they need to calm down and ask them to sit and take deep breaths until they feel calm. In the mean time, I do the same and inform them when I am ready to talk as well. This approach has really helped us communicate a lot better. My little boy also feels like I am understanding his needs more and am listening to his frustrations and needs. Again, "Time Out" is now rarely used in my house now because of how I view "time outs" and because of the other techniques used from ProActive Parenting.
Just from the 3 seminars I have listened to, I have learned so much. I have only shared with you just a small portion of what I have learned. Before I close I would like to share one of my favorite techniques I learned from the ProActive Parenting seminar "Interrupting- Not Now I'm Talking". Sometimes I feel like my children are just waiting for me to pick up that phone. They can be being angels at the moment, but as soon as I pick up that phone they attack. Especially my 4 year old. He tries to come up with every question possible while I'm on the phone to see if he can get my attention. I have never known what to do during this except to either hang up with the other person on the line or to threaten my son by taking a special toy away if he doesn't stop. These have never solved the problem. Now I use the touch approach. With this you teach the child that if they have something to say to you while you are on the phone, they need to use the touch approach. Here they will touch your arm and wait for you to make eye contact with them. Touching your arm while you are busy, allows them to know that you are aware they are there. I also like to touch my sons hand at this time so he knows I will get to him when I am ready. When the parent is ready to talk, they will give the child eye contact and depending on the situation they can ask them to whisper in their ear what they need or ask them out loud. This really works! My son loves it and thinks it is a game. We will sometimes practice it to refresh his mind on how he needs approach this situation.
I love the Proactive Parenting seminars because they give you the calm way to approach common parenting situations. These approaches also are made to correct the problem and not just a way to deal with them temporarily. Too often parents use forms of discipline to handle a situation the quickest way possible. If you have anything with your toddler that you are particularly struggling with, I recommend you head over to ProActive Parenting. Here you will learn how to get rid of threats and timeouts and solve the problem in a more permanent way.
Sharon Silver is a mom, an educator, and a powerful speaker. Her mission has always been to create programs that help parents focus on what else can be done instead of going straight to punishment. Her commitment to children and families has even resulted in her appearance on an episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show called “Hitting, Spanking, Smacking: Should it happen to your child?” |
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I reviewed the Proactive Parenting seminar on correcting toddlers. The motto of the company is: "Because you're raising a child, not just correcting preschool misbehavior", and the seminars reflect that focus. The particular seminar that I listened to is designed for parents of 1-3 year olds, and contains information about correcting behaviors that are common to that age, with methods that are specific to the abilities and intelligence of a child in that age range.
The seminar came to me as a link in my email, and was easy to open. It was in a MP3 format, so it can be listened to on the computer or downloaded to an iPod or other MP3 player, or burned to a CD to listen to in the car. I ended up listening to the seminar twice on my computer, once to get a general idea of the topics, and the second time to take notes on the great ideas.
Pros: The seminar is a good length and could be easily listened to during a child's naptime or playtime. The ideas are well-presented. The first part of the seminar included a detailed discussion about why time-outs, the most popular form of correction for a young child, are flawed and how the use of a time-out has changed from its original intent. There were also some very important points made about our expectations for children who are young. I was reminded that just because my son is walking and talking doesn't mean he has things figured out. The world is still very new to him, and he's trying to explore and learn.
The second half of the seminar dealt with the idea that we cannot just tell our kids what we do not want them to do, but we have to also include information on what we do want them to do and how we want them to handle situations. It also described in detail a correction method based on that idea, called the "Uh-oh, you hit, you sit" method. I thought the method made a lot of sense, and I plan to put it into practice in my house.
Cons: There's a lot of information in the seminar, and I ended up not catching everything the first time and having to listen to it again. Not necessarily a bad thing though!
There are a series of seminars available, including: Correcting Toddlers, Correcting Preschoolers, Power Struggles, Interrupting, Siblings, Whining/Potty Mouth, Listening, Self-Control, Yelling, and Quiet.
Carrie is mom to 14-month-old Ethan and wife to Daniel. She lives with her family in the shadow of the Space Needle. |
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