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The Oregonian, May 2007
By Teri Cettina
"Happy Birthday to who?"
Sharon Silver, a parenting coach who regularly leads seminars in Portland, thinks extravagant children's parties are simply a trend. And like all trends this one will soon pass. Silver understands, "I love big theme parties myself. But my suggestion is to save the hoopla for your own grown up parties, rather than overwhelming your kids," she said. "Or use your creative theme ideas for your local school auction or at a fundraiser for your favorite nonprofit."
However, if presents are part of your party, have the birthday girl or boy open them after the party. "That way, your child has time to appreciate each gift, and there's no comparing one friend's home made gift against another friend's very extravagant one," Silver said. And don't forget the importance of sending thank-you notes. It's OK for younger children to just sign their name after Mom or Dad write the note.
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Portland’s Metro Parent, July 2005
By Teresa Carson
“Teens and Parents: Can We Talk?”
You (can) watch a television show with your child and talk about the decisions their favorite teen characters are making, says Sharon Silver, parenting expert and founder of ProActive ParentingTM. The juicy entanglements and often really bad choices of characters on Everwood, The O.C and other teen dramas can spark good discussions about drugs, sex or driving too fast. “We as adults come charging in with all the answers,” Silver says, “It’s often (more) about problem solving. Ask questions of your teens and then sit in silence.” Try to avoid those seemingly inevitable arguments. If a conversation begins heating up, “you might say, ‘when you’re ready to talk respectfully with me, come on back.’” suggests Silver.
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Portland’s Metro Parent,
May 2005
By Teresa Carson
“How to stop yelling at your kids (no really)”
Why do we respond to these types scenarios by screaming at our kids? “Yelling is our attempt to extinguish bad behavior (in our kids) when we’re frustrated,” explains Sharon Silver, founder of ProActive ParentingTM. “When we are steeped in our emotions, we can’t access all the good (parenting) stuff we know. And the ever practical and realistic Silver says, parents need to give themselves a break. “A little bit of yelling is natural. After all, you want your children to experience a healthy range of emotions growing up. It’s healthy for them to occasionally see their parents loose it, correct themselves and apologize. We’re all human.”
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Portland Tribune,
October 2002
On Family, by Diane Dennis
“Spanking teaches a child the wrong kind of lesson”
“Sharon Silver, director of Portland’s ProActive ParentingTM and an advocate of discipline without spanking, says, ‘spanking simply causes children to shift their focus from what they did wrong to being mad at parents for spanking them. Although spanking stops the behavior temporarily, it doesn’t change it. The end result is that your relationship will have been built on fear and resentment.’”
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Nexus Colorado Holistic Journal, Nov/Dec 1996
By Ravi Dykema
“Like Adri, all children teach their parents”
“Children live in the present moment and force us to join them there. They ask us to learn about life, not to be numb and mindless in our interactions with them.” Says Silver. “As parents, we are given the opportunity from our children to tune in and be present.”
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Portland Family Magazine,
May 2005
by Chari Smith
"Letting go & Holding on"
According to Sharon Silver, of ProActive Parenting, “It’s about releasing children to themselves bit by bit.” When parents do go out, leaving something with the child could be helpful. ‘I’ll leave a photograph for you with a lipstick kiss on it.’ Or, ‘I’ll leave you a tape of me reading you a story.’ Or, ‘You can have this hanky with my perfume on it to smell.’ All of these suggestions are designed to reassure the child that mom isn’t leaving forever, and the treasures help keep her close while she is gone.”
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The Oregonian, November 2006
By Teri Cettina
“Is your child spoiled? You sure?
Parenting: A pair of experts talk about the gray areas between normal development and bratty behavior”
Q: Our daughter doesn’t act bratty, but she definitely has more toys, clothes and gadgets than many of her peers. Is this a problem or is our daughter just very fortunate?
A: “When kids start demanding clothes or toys from you, or act like they deserve them because they’re your kids, they’re definitely moving into the ‘entitled’ territory,” Silver says. “That’s when I suggest you start making them pay for half.” “Whether or not you can easily afford lots of things for your kids is not the point.”
Q: Our 11-year-old daughter argues with us: “Why should I clean my room? It’s just going to get dirty right away anyway!” Is she mouthy or just going through a phase?
A: Both: Tweens and teens do sass Mom and Dad, said Silver and Shulmire.
“My favorite way of handling a kid’s talking back is silence. If you argue with them—‘How dare you talk to me that way…’—you’ve been sucked into a power struggle. That’s what they want,” Silver said. “Silence is enormously powerful. When you’re quiet, you put the ball back in their court.”
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The Oregonian, February 2005
By Julia O’Malley
“Parenting Pointers”
Sharon Silver, mother of two and founder of ProActive Parenting says, “My passion really is to help families with daily life. The big issues belong with therapists.” Children watch and model adult behavior, Silver said. They see that adults are powerful and want to be powerful too. Winning cooperation is about giving children choices so they feel empowered, without sacrificing a parent’s goal. The key is finding a choice that achieves what the parent wants. “Cooperation is not dependent on just providing things kids want to do,” Silver said. “If that were true we’d have to be millionaires to take them to the potty; ‘I’ll take you to Disneyland if you’ll just pee.’” Silver began learning about parenting when her sons, now in their 20s, were preschool age. “I saw parents who were talking in a way that caused change, and it struck me; that is what I want, too.”
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Salmon Creek Sentinel, September 2002
By Jan Downing
“Parenting specialist offers classes at local bookstore”
Sit and chat with Sharon Silver, founder of ProActive ParentingTM, about children and families for a few minutes, and you will come away amazed at how much you already know, what you have the capacity to learn, and how much hope you have for the future of our kids. She’s just that inspiring. Through the years her training and experience have lead her to discover many tools and techniques for parenting that are not highly psychological or technical. “The tools are effective in providing a roadmap for parents as they find the right balance for their family because they are based on real life situations”
“Just knowing there’s a roadmap to parenting greatly reduces family stress.”
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